I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
