I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
