girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
