Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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