All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
