Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
