Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
