Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
