if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
