Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
