Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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