Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
