May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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