I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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