Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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