i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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