I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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