I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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