Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
nutella sex= disaster
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
