Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
