It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
