i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize