I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
