why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
