Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
"it" just moved
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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