i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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