Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
