I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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