you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
