she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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