Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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