So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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