i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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