If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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