I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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