Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
