doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
