He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
