where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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