I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
