I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
