Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
