dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
