Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I met the friendliest cop last night
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
