From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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