so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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