My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
