clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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