her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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