biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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