So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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