Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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