Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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