Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I love black thongs
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
