After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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