If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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