Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize