I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
