lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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