Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
