I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
