I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
