apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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