i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
