I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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