He told me they were just razor bumps!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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