I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
