he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
