You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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