I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
