Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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