Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
