Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
