Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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