Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize