how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize