She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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