2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you still have your period?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
