My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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