so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
