Who wears a wallet chain?!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
