i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
