I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
