i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
