LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
