you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
