Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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