walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
