Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
